As the first of the year closes in on us we all take a long hard look at our lives and many of us decide to try and make changes in the coming year. Some wish for thinner bodies, others wish for fatter bank accounts or to make some dream a reality. Few actually take the time to simply wish for happiness. To decided what is working in their lives and what isn't and make that hard decision what stays and what goes. To declutter their lives and only keep the most precious and valued aspects while doing away with the emotional garbage left by previous occupants and start living. That is what this blog is all about. It is about finding your way through all those empty shopping bags and dirty dishes to the real and genuine you.
I seriously doubt my words will ever be life changing for anyone other than myself. That my musings will account for much more than another mega bite of storage space on the world wide web or a little more wear and tear on my keyboard. I have written blogs in the past and looking back on them some are actually quiet good. I managed to capture those yearnings and emotions and share them with my readers. But with the coming year I plan on making some changes in my day to day life and one of those changes is the return of the true me. The one that received happiness from the simple things in life. The one that didn't wake up crying from nightmares of things never to be or mistakes of the past I am unable to change or modify.
If you are looking for a quick fix to your life, or sage advice from a wise old woman you have stumbled upon the wrong blog. For even as a middle aged woman I am just as messed up if not more than most. This blog isn't about that, this blog is simply about what is in my heart and what is in my soul and somehow finding my way to who I want to be. The blogs I have written in the past were filled with hope and dreams. This one is about reality. The emotional turmoil I hide from my day to day public life. The emotions buried so deep in my soul that if I were to expose them to the light of day I may find myself weeping uncontrollably over my keyboard.
This isn't going to lay blame on anyone's shoulders other than my own. It won't name names or point fingers. It will be a journal of my journey home emotionally and mentally. If you feel you are ready to wander this path with me you are welcome. If not thanks for stopping by and I wish you well on your own journey.
Writing has always been my sanctuary. It has always been were my mind and my soul meet and somehow come to an understanding regarding my emotions and my mood. Sometimes my mind wins sometimes my soul wins but writing is the marriage of those two entities and my middle ground on which they meet. It isn't always perfect and it isn't always pretty, but it is always me.
I am hoping to find time each day to enter something, it may not be long or detailed but hopefully it will be honest. It will be the raw emotions I am feeling in my gut and I warn you those change as quickly as the weather. One moment sunny and bright and the next overcast and gloomy. It all depends on what is going on in my life and what events have occurred to shape my mindset or my emotional well being.
I will be writing in this to exorcise my own demons and figure out what role they play in my real life. This blog won't contain any advice on fixing your own demons or making right what once went wrong, it will simply be an outlet for my writing. To put pen to paper, or in this case fingers to keyboard and keep an accurate record of what happened and how I reacted so that I can look back on it and hopefully help those reactions form me into a better human being for having gone through them.
Spoiler, this blog won't try to sell you anything (I don't have time for that). It won't be promoting the next bit thing (makeup, skin care, diet, life style, or even an ebook). It will just be a journal of my life. With all its ups and downs and how I plan on dealing with them. And at times the end results of those actions taken. It will be a road map of my life what is suitable to share publicly on the world wide web. I promise not to pull any punches or sugar coat anything (I don't have time for that either) but it will be as accurate a record of my life and what is really going on in my mind behind that plastered on smile that I try very hard to wear day in day out. An inside look into the workings of a middle aged woman's mind and what makes me tick. And yes that scares me as much as it should frighten you.
I will do my best to unravel the mystery that is woman and reveal the real woman hidden behind the facade. To draw back the curtains and show the magician behind the trick and to share with those who care to read what it is like to live in a society you often feels has left you in its wake and forgotten your very existence.
This blog may be to dark or to real for some and I am ok with that. It will show a side of myself that few if anyone is privy to. But this isn't for you my reader, this is for me. If all of this sounds like something you may be interested in reading more about then carry one. If not then I hope you have a blessed day and that your journey of self exploration is successful and that the end of the trail is all that you hoped for.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Akes
